Unconditional Love

I've mulled about writing something about unconditional love for some time, and now that I've freed myself to write less developed/throughout/careful/literary blogs - it seems like a good time to at least put a few thoughts down.  Unconditional Love may not be what it sounds like.

It sounds like love that will be there no matter what.  So whatever a person does or doesn't do, they can still feel the love.  And I guess on some levels that is exactly what it is, but what I note is that the most profound, the truest, unconditional love comes with the highest expectations.  It is not based on what the giver gets out of it, or how the receiver responds:  it is unconditional.  But it is wrapped in layers of expectations - because love can only exist in relationship.

If love is not action, if love is not shown, if love is not more than an abstract construct - it isn't really love.  It isn't a love that you would care whether it was unconditional, conditional or recreational.  Love is actively desiring the best for someone else, and working toward it.  You can't do that if you have no interaction with them, or if all the interaction is toxic.  Which brings around why truly unconditional love is wrapped in expectations - because it needs a context.

A marriage should be built on unconditional love - but there are high expectations.  Monogamy, fidelity, open communication, seeking the advancement of the other, mutual submission, there for each other in sickness and health, the good and bad.  High expectations, clear boundaries - it is in this, in these understandings which create a profoundly deep relationship, that unconditional love can be found, where it is rational to be committed to giving it.

Does this mean the love is conditional - not at all.  It is saying that even when I screw up, my wife still loves me.  Even when the boundaries are crossed, when we aren't even close to meeting the expectations, when we fall short - we are stilled loved.  The love isn't based on meeting the expectations, but a deep lasting commitment to strive toward them over the long haul.  My love for my wife and kids is unconditional, but it comes with lots of strings attached.  It is that mesh of strings which makes it work for all of us.  It provides the fabric for the love to enmesh itself into and become who we truly are.