It isn't easy...

We are working through the process of buying a house.  Hopefully we are a few weeks away from closing the deal (though it seems like forever).  Throughout the time I have been reminded how the systems which surround us can make it difficult to be who we want to be.

When most Americans start the house buying process, we have to answer one fundamental question, "How much house can we afford?"  That is the question we are taught to ask.  Not, How much house do we need? Nor, What house will be best for us?  And definitely not, If we commit to a mortgage of X, what else won't we be able to do?  And the funniest thing about those "affordable mortgage calculators," they expect to take it all.  They take every bit of income and savings, take out the obligations of debts and taxes, and then figure the largest possible percentage people could put toward a house.

I understand some of this, the payment stays fixed, and ideally income will increase over time.  And at least money put into real estate has a likelihood of increase (as opposed to dinners out or car payments).  But, how many people who are committed to giving to charity, or desire to live out the tradition of tithing their income, remember only to put in 90% of their income in the mortgage calculator?  Or think about which is more important, square footage or the ability to travel, or the "best" location vs. a diverse population, or...

Once the offer is made, once the contract is signed, once the deal is closed, so much of life is determined...and it is so easy to go with the social norms when we make the big decisions.  But normal is broke, normal is lonely, normal is empty - normal is a facade of the pursuit of happiness - to be above normal we need to intentionally think about who we are trying to be, and what it will take to get there.