Life in a Fishbowl

I'm not Schwarzenegger, Lohan, or Jolie; with millions of people gawking at the details of my life. However, there is a very real fishbowl aspect to my life as a pastor. And from the time I arrived at DRC I've decided to embrace this reality. There was an exercise of intentional pendulum swing - from privacy to public - when we lived our first year or so without any sort of blinds on the downstairs windows of our house. I forced a mental conversation, "yes, people are watching... and that's okay."

Hopefully I'm never as interesting as those who grab the headlines. But hopefully God is working in my life in such a way that there are things which people can benefit from by watching. It isn't about being perfect. I think some pastors avoid the fishbowl because they think they have to be perfect in everyones' eyes, but know they can't. I know I won't be perfect in everyones' eyes - if for no other reason than there are so many different definitions of perfect... (oh, and then there is the fact that I'm far from perfect)  So I seek to live my life, and if people choose to watch, that's okay - it is part of the call to which God has called me.

I want others to see that abnormal has its benefits. Normal is totally missing out on the joy and blessing (and great sex) of marriage. Normal is striving after things which will not satisfy. Normal clinging to money, but never having enough - heck, normal is functionally broke. Normal is fractured relationships which fester as wounds which will not heal. Normal is giving lip service to being a Christian, but not having God as the top priority in your life and experiencing the freedom and peace that comes with it.  Normal is having kids, but barely having a family.  I don't claim to have it all figured out, or that I'm getting it all right - but I know who does, and I'm seeking to follow Him. And as a pastor I'm in a position where I'm watched - because what I preach better make a difference, and let it begin with me.

However...
Jesus lived with his disciples. He didn't swoop in, teach, and then go back to his other life. But at times he did pull away, to be out of the crowds, to be away from those he shared life with daily, to spend some time in a opaque fish bowl. I think that is part of sabbatical, to step away from all that is my normal ministry. And part of my ministry, part of my fishbowl, is blogging - so for now I'm going to pull down the blinds of my blog...

It has begun...

Monday is normally my day off - so it didn't really feel like the start of my sabbatical. I did the laundry, I did work around the house, time on the computer, etc... but today is different. I didn't go to the office today (though I do have some piles to wrap up some evening this week) I'm sure it will take time for it to sink in, but my focus for the next three months will not be on the day to day details of Delmar Reformed Church.

What is my church work? What is my personal ministry? What do I take a break from? I don't do much of what I do because I get paid, so I can't say - I'll stop doing the things I get paid for - You can't pay someone to serve God. And I try not to dichotomize my life - the people of DRC are my friends. The disciples didn't learn and teach with Jesus, and then go off to spend time with their "real friends." So, sabbatical can't be about distancing myself from DRC, because that would be about distancing myself from my friends... but it can be about distancing myself from the responsibility I have at DRC. That is my rest, from decisions, from the weight, from the responsibility. It feels strange to say that, because that too is part of who I am, but by letting it go I can grow, refresh, gain perspective, be open.

Well, these blogs my not be as readable as others, because they are going to be more my processing... I'm sure I'll try and entertain myself, so they might still be fun to read, but I'll just see where they go.

Today I have set up my first pastor lunch/interview & figured out how to blog from my ipad (and get things in my google accounts streamlined). It is also good to be here at home on Tuesday and see how hard Jen works on the band work - like most people, I tend only to see the final result.

When rest is hard...(a blog for my own processing)

It is midnight and I'm not asleep.  But that isn't the point.  In 13 days my sabbatical begins (but who's counting).  A three month change of pace - but can I rest, and what does that mean?

Most people are familiar with an academic sabbatical - but that isn't what I'm dealing with.  A sabbatical break is not academic in nature, it is spiritual - Sabbath.  After six, take one off - that's the God given pattern in the Bible. Work six days, have a day set apart as different.  Work the land six years, take a year off.  A pattern of purposeful rest.  My church is great for giving me this time, as my seventh year comes to a close I have the gift of three months.  I want to use it well - but what does that mean?

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time I've thought about this.  I have shared my intentions with the church board, I have bounced ideas off of an advisory group, I have written about it in the church newsletter, I have sought the advice of others, I have prayed... but now the three month "rest" is within sight.  I want to "rest" well, and I'm confident it doesn't mean cycling between bed, couch and hammock for three months.  And 12 hour days of prayer and reflection is probably beyond my abilities...

Then there are details like: I have a wife and kids...  There are meals, events and laundry....  As I reflect tonight, I do think I am preparing to sabbatical well.  Interviewing those in ministry is hearing from God.  Spending time working in the woods is time set apart, resting from my life.   The road trip we have planned doesn't sound restful - but it will allow me to be more separate from the norm (while connected to my family).

Sabbath rest is not about crashing on the couch.  It is about true refreshment which comes as we are reminded of our place before God.  Sabbatical rest - maybe it can be a reminder that what I do for God isn't as important as who I am before God... It will be interesting to see what that means....