bed vs. blog

I worked from 8 am to 11pm yesterday - and I didn't write a blog.  As I was getting cleaned up last night I thought I would write a quick something before sleeping.  But my laptop and my bed reside in the same room, and once I saw the larger more comforting object, I forgot about the smaller one...

My intention has been to write a blog a day for every day of Lent.  So from Ash Wednesday (mid-Feb) to April 7 there should be 40 entries.  One for everyday except Sundays because Sundays are not technically part of Lent.  I'm pretty close, but with my more intense work schedule as we try and get our house ready before I'm unavailable it feels much more like a discipline.


However, isn't that the point of disciplines.  They are patterns which help us become who we want to become, but  wouldn't end up there naturally.  The performer (theater, music, sports) does not become all they can be through natural talent alone.  They practice, they study, they push - they are disciplined.  In life, it is popular to think that we are our best self - naturally.  Could it be that just like a runner will not realize their potential without being pushed by regimented practice and coaching - each of us will not be all that we can without being pushed by defined disciplines and guides?  Most everyone figures out how to run on their own, but that alone does not make them a runner.  Most all of us figure out how to live this life, but that doesn't make us fully alive and wholistically successful.

Those disciplines might be making the bed, eating meals with your family, reading the Bible, taking daily walks, worshiping on Sunday, or giving lots of hugs - but without some conscious decisions, we will miss out. The first challenge is to realize we need this.  It is the loud message of reality, but there is a erosive counter message of "be happy with who you are."  The next challenge is pushing through the times when what we most deeply want, is pushed out by the activities of life.  I think there is ground for some flexibility; I'm okay with not blogging yesterday - but if I skipped again today, it is heading toward a pattern.


What disciplines (things in my life which I put in there to help be become whom God intends) have been pushed out by the "stuff" of life?

I like working

The other side of Sabbath is work, and I really like work.  I especially like physical labor.  Monday I pounded nails at the cabin, and yesterday I tore out carpet, sanded floors, put at 4'x7' hole in a wall (future closet door), etc... and I enjoy it.  Overall my body feels better when it is working.  I like the hands on nature of this type of work - but I don't do it for a living.

Should I be following my passion for building? Should I be following my call to the pastorate?  Do I like building because my livelihood does not depend on it?  Questions in my mind, but I'm not going to take the time to write answers now because I need to go build a wall.  But while I build I will mull these questions and more.  (another reason I like physical labor - I think well while doing it)

Off to get some sore muscles, and a clear mind.

The work has begun

Blog stands for web log.
Log Entry 86 - Yesterday we bought a house.  It took what seemed like forever to get from shopping to owning, but now that process is done.  The closing was a fun event.  The lawyers and closing agent at one end of the table, crunching numbers, sorting papers, muttering under their breath, and the buyers and sellers at the other end, chatting, sharing, and signing papers as they passed in front of us.

I just about got philosophical about how what should be relational can easily become adversarial - but not today, I used the backspace key, and it is gone (but I still figured out how to mention it in a back handed way).

Jashton wanted to see the house in one piece, so we didn't start any work of a destructive nature until he was home from school.  Before then we could take inventory, and wander our new house.  One benefit of it ending up a relational transaction is that the previous owners left many things of value.  They didn't need them for their condo in North Carolina, and they wanted someone who would use them to have them - and we fit the bill.  Very nice curtains, rugs, shelves, gardening supplies, and the list could go on.  Thank you Mary & Lynn.  Oh, did I mention they left everything amazingly clean!

By the end of the day, we knew more of what we are working with, and the carpet was pulled up on the lower level.  Lots of work lays ahead - on our new home!

All in good time...

Yesterday I made it to The Woods - and yesterday was the right day.
Today we might just close on the house - and if we do, today is the right day.

My mind is going in so many different directions in relation to what should be coming out of my fingers that nothing is....

• The life we are living is the best life possible if we are seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.
• There is an interesting (tricky) balance between pushing hard for what we want, and taking things as they come.  There is a time for both - how to know?  Proverbs 3:4-5
• Yesterday was great, Tobiah came along.  It wasn't just my get away, nor just getting work done, but it was a get away, while working, with a wonderful connecting time with our middlest son.  
• I went to The Woods to get work done - and now there is a tire swing at The Woods.  That wasn't the planned work - but my work yesterday became more about being a father than building walls.
• It makes no sense to me that our closing is today, not three weeks ago.  Why is this timing better?  It could be that it is not better - but I trust that it is?  Is this back to rationalization, and a means of coping where we take what is and adapt our minds to it?  Is that bad?  It seems like there are some very good benefits to it - or maybe I'm thinking too much again.
• When I think of the title of this entry "All in good time" the "All" really stands out to me.  I fully believe that Jesus came to give abundant life, life where we can have it all.  But for this to happen we have to both give all we have, and give up all we have.  It is all in God's hands - but we are very active agents.

Time to go be an active agent - God please guide!

Sabbath

We don't work hard.  Not really, not most of us, not like back in the day.  I'm treading into some easily misinterpreted waters, because most of us would say that we work hard - but it is so different from the pre-industrial days, very different from the industrial revolution, not even close to many people in the world who work to survive.  Even the people I know who don't work at all, live far better than some very industrious people I have met in developing countries.  But I digress from where I was going.  We don't work to survive, we work for "the good life."  We put in many hours, think hard, interact with many people and machines, and some of you work physically in your jobs - but it isn't physically building your house, growing you food, protecting your family... so what does a day of rest, a Sabbath, look like?

For one thing it should look different from the other days of the week.  We should not be in our work place, or doing our job seven days a week.  We aren't made for it, and it isn't good, no matter what our work looks like.  I don't think however, that a Sabbath day, a day of rest, isn't necessarily about ceasing - but rather a restorative time.  If you are interacting with people in sales all week - have a day without any interpersonal relations of that ilk.... I could go on, but this is my day of rest, and making that list seems like work right now...

Today is my day of rest.
And tomorrow is my day of worship.  I think it is an amazing blessing we so take for granted in America - in modern society.   We have a day of rest, Saturday, and a day of worship, Sunday.  Wow!  What a blessing unheard of in days of old.  I hope you use them well.  And if your schedule is a bit different from a 5 day workweek, I hope you find a day of rest and a time of worship in your rhythm of life!

Praying for a Miracle

I have prayed for many miracles - I have seen some miracles come about.  I know God is listening, God cares and God acts - so why is it hard to pray for miracles for myself sometimes?  Like now.

I found myself wanting to pray for a miracle this morning.  Praying that God acts, all the pieces come together, and a literal miracle happens and we close on the house today.  If it were to happen it would be an actual act of God.  The closing is scheduled for Monday, the seller's attorney is busy today, there is more title related paperwork to track down, it is possible that even Monday is optimistic - while everyone is open to the idea of closing this week, it doesn't look like there is any way it could happen.  But isn't that when you pray for a miracle?  Miracles are about when there is no earthly way for it to happen.  So why not?

I found myself praying for a miraculous closing, with a "but it is okay if it doesn't happen" disclaimer at the end of my paper.  And it wasn't even a fervent prayer, with much conviction, my heart wasn't in it... why not?  It is what I really want.  It would make my life better (or I think so).  It isn't too hard for God.

Some of my answers:

1. I trust that God's timing is in all that is happening.  God is working it out for the best. (but then why pray about anything?)
2. It feels selfish to pray for this.  To me it seems like a prayer from selfish motives, and that doesn't sit right in my spirit.  (but I've prayed for myself before, and when I stop and think about it - this impacts many others as well)
3. Maybe I think this is too tough and I don't want to set God up for failure.  I laugh to myself as I write, but sometimes I feel God has more control over biology than bureaucracy - a lie in my spirit, but it is there. (God can handle paperwork)
4. Deep down I know it isn't really important.  In a year, in six months, a few weeks difference in timing regarding the closing probably won't actually matter.  Why bother God for something which is just a annoyance at the moment? 

Well, it is number four that I don't have a good counter argument for - probably the closest answer so far.


Lord, I would like to close on the house today, but it would take your direct involvement - it would take a miracle.  I know it really isn't that important, but it would sure make my day, and you would be the only one who would get credit.  It would be clearly your hand at work.  I don't want to list out why this would be good - you know.  You know so much more than I.  I trust you Lord.

Smile & Wave

I live in the Northeast - people here are nicer than they appear on the surface.
But I'd like to change that.

This morning I was encouraged in my reading to share the light of Jesus with those around me.  What if that started with smiling, waving, and saying high to everyone I pass?  I would do it if it was my sister passing by.  I would do it if it was one of my neighbors who I know well.  I would do exchange greetings if it were someone I work with.  So - as a Christian, I should do it to everyone I pass.  Sharing a bit of light.

Who is my brother or sister?  Jesus says anyone who does the will of His Father.
        I'm passing a good number of my siblings every day - I should at least acknowledge them.
Who is my neighbor?  Jesus says, even the one who is considered the shunned foreigner.
        I'm passing a never ending streams of neighbors daily.
Who is my co-worker?  Jesus says we are sent out as harvesters into the ripe field.

        I'm passing co-workers who might need a little encouragement.

As I'm walking the dog, I'm trying to be a little less New Yorker, and a little more Christian.  And if all the Christians in the Northeast started acknowledging our siblings and neighbors on the street - this part of the country would seem a bit warmer.  It can start with me.

If you are not from the Northeast, people up here are actually just as friendly as the rest of the country (maybe even nicer) it is just below the surface, covered by a thin veneer of protection.  A smile and a wave would wipe away that veneer...

Validation through Rationalization

The one that got away....

We began the search for a house roughly four months ago, and early in the process we found the perfect house.  Where we wanted, what we wanted, great price, eager sellers... everything fell into place and we put in a bid.  The house had been on the market for months and wasn't even getting nibbles any more - yet it was that very same week in early December another family decided it too was what they were looking for - and voting with their dollars - showed they wanted it more.

Our realtor assured us, in all her years of sales (over 300 houses), everyone has always ended up with a better house than the one that got away.  If we didn't get the house we thought was perfect, it really wasn't, and a better perfect was waiting for us.  For our sanity we decided to go along with the premise - at least half heartedly.

We'll, we should close in less than a week (we've been thinking that for over 2 weeks, but that is another story), and we are really excited about the new house - but is it the better perfect?  Just to clarify, we don't really view any as perfect, it's just an hyperbolic expression.  We walk by the one that got away regularly.  It has attributes we still desire - but the one we are buying is probably better for us.   Is our realtor right that you always end up with the one you are supposed to have - the one down the road will be better than the one you got out bid on - or do we rationalize that the second is better than the first to cope with life?

Just like yesterday, do we validate the path we are on, because it is the one we are on?  Probably.
Can we take a step back and evaluate our path?  Better yet, are we open to listen to others, outside observers, to have help evaluating our path.  When house shopping we created our list of where we ultimately wanted to end up (to avoid the woo of pretty and shiny), we listened to our passion (or in my case whether Jen jumped up or down, or not), we valued the input of our realtor as someone who knew the housing market and got to know us, and we valued the input of friends and family who would speak the truth in love.

If we do this to buy a house - are we doing this to chart the course of our life, and the lives of our children?

• what values do we want?  what do we want at the end of life?
• do we listen to our heart?  pursuing our passions?
• do we seek out knowledgeable experts for their wisdom?
• do we allow those who care about us, but are not wrapped in our decisions, to speak? 

Is it true that the course I'm on is the best course for me? How about you?

Should I stay or should I go - the power of rationalization

Today was a choice:
Option A: Stay home, prepare to the move, do laundry, compare home insurance policies
Option B: Go up to the Woods - build, unplug, possibly the last opportunity till May.

As I switched loads of laundry I was thinking how I made the right choice - getting this work done will pay off in the coming two weeks.
HOWEVER, if I were at the Woods right now my hunch is that I would be thinking that I had made the right choice.  I would be enjoying the unseasonably warm day, getting some therapeutic work done, and know that it is for my mental and spiritual health.

How can this be?  I'm guessing it is one of two options:
1.  Rationalization.  We get really good at telling ourselves that whatever we are doing is best.  I'm really good at developing a rational argument justifying my actions.
2.  They were both good options.  Different, but both had benefits (and associated costs).  Being someone who looks for the positive, I would focus on the good of either option.  Someone else could have the exact same situation, and experience regret either way they went.  But the reality is, which ever path I take for this day is heading in the generally right direction.  All the work will get done, both hear and at the Woods, it is just a matter of when and how.

The third option is that I took the best option, and thinking of the alternative isn't possible because I didn't take it.  If I had indeed taken the trip to the Woods it would have been because it was indeed the best to meet my needs today.

It is probably a bit of both 1 and 2.  We rationalize and adjust according to the world, our decisions and life in general - we make the best of it.  But there is also the fact that some decisions aren't that consequential, and we will get to the final destination all the same.  Sometimes with more or less effort, sometimes with unintended consequences or hardship for ourselves or others (but even this we can view as continuing education) - but we make it through.

So the primary questions are:
    Is this the right trajectory for my life?
    Do I have a sound understanding of the world and how it works?

Bibliomancy this morning

I randomly opened up my Bible this morning - this is what I saw:


I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring - And My blessing on your descendants;
And they will spring up among the grass - Like poplars by streams of water.'

"This one will say, 'I am the LORD'S';
And that one will call on the name of Jacob;
And another will write on his hand, 'Belonging to the LORD,'

Isaiah 44:3-5 

Three different ways for three different boys. One is all social about it, and tell everyone that they are God's, one is aware of his need and relies on God regularly for help, and the other is into tattoos... I'm not seeing this as prophetic word about my three sons, but rather an encouragement this morning from my loving God. Each of my very different boys can come to God in their own way - but one way or another, my prayer is that they are identified as God's forever.

Quick Check Up - Unconditional Love

While I was writing about unconditional love last night Jashton was doing his homework, and I didn't want to interrupt for my own personal research.  My opportunity came a little later, however, as Tobiah and I were waiting for Corban to finish brushing his teeth.  I asked our middle-est how he knew I loved him.

"Because you are my dad."

It is there, it is in the fabric, it is the air we breath.  Because I am his dad, by definition of what a dad is and does, I love him.  I asked him if there was another way he knew and he added, "even when I do something wrong, you still love me."  Yep, that is absolutely right.

In case you are thinking it is strange that reason number two went to him doing something wrong, it is in the context of the evening.  Less than an hour before we had to have a heart to heart as he had not used newly given freedom and responsibility well.  But he learned from it, and through it all, even the verbal chastising, he knew he was loved - unconditionally.

A Culture of Unconditional Love

It is woven into our understanding, it is expressed in our words, it is seen in our decisions, it is given in our history, it is reinforced with our stories, it is grown through our faith, it is shown in our contact, it is assumed as a given, it becomes like the water fish swim in - unconditional love is known within our family.

Yesterday I asked - how do my kids know they are loved unconditionally?  How does my wife know that she is loved unconditionally?  It is not that I don't expect a great deal of them.  It is not that I don't hold them to standards.  It is not that they don't do the same of me.  It is not in hallmark expressions of deep fondness.  It is known because it is the truth.  And cultivated within our family culture.

I've known people who had parents of other generations or cultures who never heard "I love you."  And they definitely didn't hear about unconditional love in their home - but they knew to the core of their being that their disciplinarian stoic father loved them from the core of his being, and would die for them if that was required.  "No greater love has a man than to lay down his life for another."  But I think we can do better.

I will give it all for those I love, but giving the little stuff is often the bigger challenge, but also what will enrich all our lives.  In my words, my guidance, my listening, my hugging, my discipline, my story telling, my spiritual instruction, my example, my apologies, my very nature - I seek to ensure that my kids and wife are loved unconditionally.  So much so it is taken for granted like the air we breath.

Unconditional Love - how do they know?

When a baby is born, a bond is formed, it is easy for most parents to feel "unconditional love" for the child.

First, "feeling" unconditional love toward another person can head us down the wrong path to begin with, because if we rely on feelings - it is guaranteed to be be far from unconditional.  Emotions are by their nature ever in a state of flux, so there will be times when our emotions say, "this isn't right, I'm done with this."

If we are to have a lasting unconditional love, it must be based on decision rooted deeply in our beliefs.  If we have such beliefs, which lead to such love, how is it shown?  How do my children know that I love them unconditionally?

Who in your life are you committed to loving unconditionally?  How do they know?

God loves you unconditionally - but we must enter into the relationship to experience the love on the deepest level.  How do you know God's unconditional love?  What strings are attached in this divine relationship?



 

Unconditional Love

I've mulled about writing something about unconditional love for some time, and now that I've freed myself to write less developed/throughout/careful/literary blogs - it seems like a good time to at least put a few thoughts down.  Unconditional Love may not be what it sounds like.

It sounds like love that will be there no matter what.  So whatever a person does or doesn't do, they can still feel the love.  And I guess on some levels that is exactly what it is, but what I note is that the most profound, the truest, unconditional love comes with the highest expectations.  It is not based on what the giver gets out of it, or how the receiver responds:  it is unconditional.  But it is wrapped in layers of expectations - because love can only exist in relationship.

If love is not action, if love is not shown, if love is not more than an abstract construct - it isn't really love.  It isn't a love that you would care whether it was unconditional, conditional or recreational.  Love is actively desiring the best for someone else, and working toward it.  You can't do that if you have no interaction with them, or if all the interaction is toxic.  Which brings around why truly unconditional love is wrapped in expectations - because it needs a context.

A marriage should be built on unconditional love - but there are high expectations.  Monogamy, fidelity, open communication, seeking the advancement of the other, mutual submission, there for each other in sickness and health, the good and bad.  High expectations, clear boundaries - it is in this, in these understandings which create a profoundly deep relationship, that unconditional love can be found, where it is rational to be committed to giving it.

Does this mean the love is conditional - not at all.  It is saying that even when I screw up, my wife still loves me.  Even when the boundaries are crossed, when we aren't even close to meeting the expectations, when we fall short - we are stilled loved.  The love isn't based on meeting the expectations, but a deep lasting commitment to strive toward them over the long haul.  My love for my wife and kids is unconditional, but it comes with lots of strings attached.  It is that mesh of strings which makes it work for all of us.  It provides the fabric for the love to enmesh itself into and become who we truly are.

What makes you different?

Last Thursday I read a reflection on 1 Corinthians 2:1-9 - here's a quote from it:

"What foolishness!  Who in her right mind would follow a leader who was executed as a despised criminal?  And how foolish the disciples must have felt.  Terrified, yes, but foolish also.  They left their jobs, their families, their communities, for this? A crucified leader?  What fools they were."  (Edith Leet from Albany, NY)

And then this Sunday at our church we heard how first and foremost, Christians are different than non-Christians (or they should be).  What would you be willing to leave everything for?  What would cause you to live differently than you currently do?

It is interesting to examine my parents' children:

One has given up all material possessions, has nothing most of us rely on for security, and is attempting to cross the country on horseback.  www.freerangerodeo.com
One has given up the traditional education system for her daughters.  And I'm not talking home-schooling, I'm talking un-schooling.  http://withthefamily5.blogspot.com/  They have given up the American way of raising kids.
One has given up the career track, and is a pastor.  Admittedly, he is a pastor in a respected church, where being a pastor still has some level of respect, but it isn't what most people in town hope their children will become. www.pastor-dirk.blogspot.com

My parents did demonstrate that there are things more important in life than being like everyone else, we clearly got the message.  My sisters and I have taken that lesson in very different directions.  While I may look the most conventional, I hope I'm the most foolish in the world's eyes.  I am devoting my life to pointing to someone else (Jesus), I'm sharing with people the message that they need someone who died a criminal's death almost 2000 years ago,  I'm convinced that what matters most for my children is their spiritual life (not their academic, athletic, or social popularity) - Crazy!

The issue isn't seriousness - seriously

Okay, I've been giving serious consideration to my last posting (pun intended - obviously).

I'm not going to say I'm "too" anything (other than maybe too human), but I definitely think alot.  Speaking of which, I think "alot" should be a real word.  "Determinative" is a word, but "alot" doesn't qualify - I don't agree.  I have given up the fight on it, but I still think about it.  Actually I think about just about everything.  I think about what I say, what I don't say, how people might interpret things I do or do not say, if the green light is going to turn red before I get there, how to impact culture, where cobwebs come from when I don't see spiders, the business philosophies of Steve Jobs and how they relate to the Church, when we should seal the parking lot, whether I move around too much when I read scriptures at church or not enough during sermons, how to help Jashton connect with peers, how to keep Tobiah from being lost as the middle child, and what will all that is Corban become...

I'm not too serious, I just think so much that at times it seems serious, but it's not and I know it.
Life is good and God is in control.  And I like to eat Cocoa Pebbles!

PS. it bugs me that every "alot" above has a squiggly red "you didn't spell it right" line under it.  Squiggly counts more than alot - go figure.

I'm too serious

For the record - I'm too serious.

I know it.  For example, I have an urge to dissect what it means that I'm too serious...I mean come on - lighten up.  Life is good and God is in control.

I will stop thinking
I will stop analyzing
I will stop playing decisions out to their final consequences
I will stop saying I will, because that is very determinative in nature - thus serious....
        I will use words that don't actually exist but sound really impressive.
Dang it, the serious side of me had me go look it up - determinative is actually a word...

but I did learn that it rhymes with: accelerative, accumulative, administrative, alliterative, assimilative, associative, authoritative, collaborative, commemorative, communicative, cooperative, corroborative, deliberative, illuminative, investigative, multiplicative, originative, recuperative, regenerative

Good thing I have kids - They break through, break down, and generally keep the seriousness in check!

The skills of youth

Over the past week I have been putting my youth to good use.  That is; I've been keeping our cars running.  Last Saturday I spent the morning in a friend's garage replacing the gas tank, fuel pump, gauge and filter in Pete our '99 Suburban.  I would have been in a world of hurt trying to do it without Al - but I would not have attempted it without my teenage years of working on old cars.

No sooner than Pete was feeling better (no longer leaking gas out of a rusted through gas tank) than I noticed some dark spots on the driveway under out minivan.  A day later they were not dots, but dark patches, and then it was watching the oil drip from the car to the ground... something profound was wrong, and we were back to one vehicle.  However, the combination of nice weather and my mechanical experience joined today to discover a crack in the oil cooler.  I didn't need to go to a shop to find the problem, I didn't need to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed - for this one I didn't even need Al.

I was just doing what I enjoyed as a kid.  Taking apart anything mechanical, and then figuring out how to get it back together - but these are noticeably useful skills now.  Those summers on maintenance crews were not glamorous, but now I can build, repair, paint, replace all sorts of things which I wouldn't have the confidence to do otherwise.  Why blog about this, is this to say how great I am - not at all.  It is about what so many people think their kids should be doing...

I can't tell you how many men today tell me how much they wish they knew how to do these practical things.  Know what almost all of them were doing while I was being a mechanical geek?  Playing sports.   I know I'm out of sync with my surrounds, but I still can't figure out the obsession with chasing a ball around a field.  I work really hard to not be down on sports, but it requires a great deal of mental energy.  I am not naturally athletic, I'm not really very competitive, I didn't grow up in the suburbs - and while my parents were very athletic in high school and college, they never did anything to encourage us kids into sports.  So I naturally don't connect with sports, but when I look at it objectively it is hard for me to find the full value so many assign to them.  I hear the support of team building, teaching values, staying fit, staying out of trouble, etc...but I always come away thinking there must be better ways.

For some kids, they are athletes, and that is great.  And I'm definitely not saying everyone should lose their passion for competitive sports, but into what should we be encouraging our children?  Should it be the norm?  How long is chasing a ball truly important?


ps.  Tobiah is signed up for the spring soccer rec league.

Give me patience, and give it to me NOW

Talking to others, and talking to myself - the challenge of patience is real for many of us.  As banks, appraisers, underwriters, lawyers, and the like do their thing; we are given the task of patiently waiting...and waiting...and... yes, I'm talking about our work of buying a house (hopefully an appropriate one for who we are called to be-see Monday).

As I reflect on the matter, it isn't the waiting which requires patience.  The expectations created by a preconceived time frame are what necessitate patience.  If no one was approved for a mortgage in less than six months, and it was always a year long process to buy a house, and there were clear reasons for the time involved, then the first six weeks would be no different than the first six days in our current process.

In those initial days we were eager and excited by what we were involved in, but it required no patience to allow those first six days to pass.  However, now we have passed the expectation defined "reasonable" time for all the work to be completed, and I am self-talking myself into acceptance of the situation, finding patience to wait it out... but why do I need patience?  Because it "should" be done by now.  But I must ask, What is that "should" based on?

It is based on other people's experiences.  It is based on what I have been told is normal.  It is based on what I pieced together as an appropriate time frame for what needed to happen.  It is based on other things I have set into motion based on the previous assumptions.
Rational?  Probably; we need to move forward based on some plan and pattern.
Helpful?  In some ways, if we do not have expectations how can we make subsequent decisions?
Artificial?  Absolutely!

"If the Lord wills," is the precautionary clause which should be added to all plans and expectations.

What does this say to you?  When you are "in need of patience," what needs to be adjusted?  What expectations created that need for patience?  Are those expectations helpful to your life or detrimental at this time?  We want answers, we want resolution, we want to move on - but what is that based on?  What is our time frame based upon?  Others' experiences?  Our need for the illusion of control?  What we deem as reasonable?

Patience is a gift, which is given to those who are willing to reevaluate their expectations in life.
God's timing is perfect - but it is often not ours.

wait for it....

.

My parents - listening and responding to God's call

My parents are old.  Not that they act old, not that most people think of them as old, not that they even look all that old - but I have a mental construct: old starts at 70, and they have both crossed that threshold.

My parents are in the Dominican Republic right now.  They are not visiting a five, four or even three star resort.  They are staying in a near windowless room (maid's quarters) in the house of a couple working to share God's blessings with the poor of the Dominican Republic.  They are traveling up rustic roads to spend time with another family making a difference in a rural part of the island.  They are gathering together with Christians from throughout Latin America, all who are listening and responding to God's call.  Six years ago, fresh into retirement, they could not have forecast this trip.  But today they are learning from, encouraging, and seeking partnership with people half their age - because they are listening and responding to God's call.

Since retirement my parents have done some of what was to be expected.  My dad acts as a consultant in Christian camping, gardens around the house have expanded and improved, pleasure trips to Ireland and loved ones have been taken, trips postponed by life have been realized (like my dad joining me on a study pilgrimage to Israel), time has been devoted to grandchildren and their church - but their active role in moving a suburban church out of its bubble and into the world was not on the agenda.  Yet, my mom's faithful listening to God, willingness to gently encourage people forward, the work of God in opening up opportunities is changing lives.  They have led people to Poland, are enabling a large group to head to Nicaragua, they have connected people to Africa - they are making a difference in a new way.

My parents are old, my parents are in the Dominican Republic, my parents continue to live their faith.  In our youth each year is full of such change, so much can happen in such a short period of time, we adventurously strike out in new directions - it doesn't only have to happen in our youth!

It isn't easy...

We are working through the process of buying a house.  Hopefully we are a few weeks away from closing the deal (though it seems like forever).  Throughout the time I have been reminded how the systems which surround us can make it difficult to be who we want to be.

When most Americans start the house buying process, we have to answer one fundamental question, "How much house can we afford?"  That is the question we are taught to ask.  Not, How much house do we need? Nor, What house will be best for us?  And definitely not, If we commit to a mortgage of X, what else won't we be able to do?  And the funniest thing about those "affordable mortgage calculators," they expect to take it all.  They take every bit of income and savings, take out the obligations of debts and taxes, and then figure the largest possible percentage people could put toward a house.

I understand some of this, the payment stays fixed, and ideally income will increase over time.  And at least money put into real estate has a likelihood of increase (as opposed to dinners out or car payments).  But, how many people who are committed to giving to charity, or desire to live out the tradition of tithing their income, remember only to put in 90% of their income in the mortgage calculator?  Or think about which is more important, square footage or the ability to travel, or the "best" location vs. a diverse population, or...

Once the offer is made, once the contract is signed, once the deal is closed, so much of life is determined...and it is so easy to go with the social norms when we make the big decisions.  But normal is broke, normal is lonely, normal is empty - normal is a facade of the pursuit of happiness - to be above normal we need to intentionally think about who we are trying to be, and what it will take to get there.

One comment changed our family's life

It was nine years ago, Jashton was 2, and we were visiting friends in Michigan.  It was Sunday morning and while the parents were getting ready for church, the TV was on to entertain the kids.  But then it came out, "we only let our kids watch Christian videos on Sunday morning." It's not that Jesse and Heidi are the legalistic type, or they have a false dichotomy of "secular bad", "Christian good" - they simply set an expectation that Sundays were different for their family.  The simple act of changing the viewing of their children (pre-schoolers at the time), helped form an understanding within their children - and ours.

We adopted these guidelines in our family, and it has been an unexpected blessing.  When they were toddlers we had piles of Veggie Tales videos which often were chosen over Bob the Builder anyway.  But from the earliest ages, out kids understood that Sunday was different - and the "different" extended beyond going to church together.  Also, as our kids have gotten older and the videos have changed, it ensures that on Sunday morning the focus is not on watching planets being destroyed or parents being ignored.  This morning as I heard our kids getting up and heading downstairs, I was so glad we have this established norm in our household - all because of a comment while visiting the Jensens all those years ago.

It is great to learn and grow from the example of others - and we never know when one simple decision may impact someone else for life.  As we will be reminded at our church this morning, "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you will be called."

Longer than Angry Birds

This morning before the bus there was a window of opportunity, and Tobiah asked to use the iPad.  Three months ago we celebrated Tobiah's birthday with an amazingly cool Angry Bird's birthday party.  Four months ago, on the iTouch, iPad, Google Chrome, and even in the play room with stuffed toys - it was all Angry Birds.

This morning, however, the iPad did not go to Angry Birds, and actually I haven't heard the theme song in weeks.  It came, we obsessed, and now it is passed.  How much of what we spend time on in life will pass?  Fashions, hobbies, trends - but there are things which last.  It is these things which we need to lay a foundation for in our lives, and especially in the lives of our children.

I want for me and my house things which last longer than Angry Birds...

The Lack of Routine...

Today was a snow day!  Yeah!  It was fun to have a reason to get going a little slower, and make a special breakfast for the boys (it was their first and probably only snow day of the year).  There was still work to be done - Sunday's comin' - but it was not a normal day.  And I think we need the both; normal days and days like today.

When I travel - when I don't have the set routine - I find that I rarely take time in my day to read the Bible or spend focused time in prayer.  Today I was just about out of the bedroom for the day when I realized I hadn't taken the time to read the Lenten devotional guide and chosen scripture for the day.  Things were just a little different, but off kilter enough to almost miss something I want in my day.

Yet:
If every day is routine, I am not challenged.
If every day is routine, indelible memories which mark the passage of time are not created.
If every day is routine, we miss the beauty of diversity.

Overall, I may be too fond of change - but it is only possible when there is routine to provide a solid foundation.  It was a great snow day - now back to the routine.