No School Christmas Party

It seemed wrong to do.  Should we really be encouraging our son to skip the fun and games of a 2nd graders last day before Christmas vacation? However, once the day was underway, it struck me of just how many simple decisions shape who our kids will be for years to come.  And how often those decision are shaped by the expectations of our community, rather than a thoughtful consideration of who we want our children to be.

I enter into a topic like this with some fearful trepidation.  I have seen enough to know there is no simple formula for parenting, and have no delusions that I have the nuances for optimal results figured out... but how do priorities encouraged in the 2nd grade play out into adolescence and beyond?

It was the week before Christmas, Jen's parents were here to celebrate Christmas with their grandchildren for the first time ever.  There were more things to do than days available, but we wanted to make the most of our ten days together.  If you know about our family, you know "The Woods" is a big part of our lives.  We definitely wanted Grandma and Grandpa to see the cabin we began building this summer, and experience our boys in their element.  However the only day it worked with my schedule, Jen's schedule, and holiday plans was the Friday before Christmas - Tobiah's class Christmas party (or whatever they were actually calling it...)

It was up to him; Christmas party with his class or family time at The Woods - what did he want to do, where did he want to be?  We left it up to him, but felt a little bad putting him in the position of having to choose.  In the end he was there with the rest of the family; making s'mores over the fire, battling his brothers with wooden light sabers, and enjoying a damp day in the wilderness with his family.  That's about when it hit me - this shapes the teenager to come.

If we had prioritized his school party over our family time now, it teaches values for years to come.  I don't want to make predictions of what teenage Tobiah will be, but he will be more likely naturally value family time than if we send the message that parties with friends have schedule disrupting value.  It will become part of who he is, just like kids who's parents watch sports, are more likely to value sports, or those who grow in a status seeking environment lean toward that value.  Yes, each of us is unique - and there are countless examples of teens who self-differentiate by heading in exactly the opposite direction (but then again, is that a value instilled by parents and surrounding culture) - but every move we make shapes the values and future of our children.