Not too long ago we were going to go out as a family and play in the snow. It was a beautiful winter day, not too cold, fresh snow, what could go wrong? Well the challenge was getting out the door - Corban (age 3.5) did not want to go. The day before it wasn’t ideal, we weren’t prepared, and he had learned the unpleasant fact that if it isn’t done right - winter is cold and uncomfortable. He didn’t want that again, and he sure he didn’t want to go out.
Now I’m no tiger dad (haven’t actually heard that term yet, but I’m sure it is coming), my kids waste time, get what they want, and we work hard to listen to them and respect them - but acquiescing to the emphatic determination of a three year old wasn’t going to fly in this situation. We aren’t the type of family to give up after one bad experience - especially when there is ample evidence that playing in the snow is fun. So, trying to balance my 21st century parenting influences with my old school sensibilities we negotiated. He would go out, but if it was miserable (after giving it an honest go) a parent would take him in.
Surprise, surprise, surprise - he had a blast. And then, after about 45 minutes he remembered the deal. All of a sudden, “I want to go in now!” So the question arises, do kids always know what they want? Does being a good parent always mean immediately responding to every desire of your child? He said, and truly believed he wanted to go in.... what to do? Because I was pretty sure he didn’t know what would be the most fun.
Drawing from my 21st century arsenal of parenting - time to redirect. Let’s see if he really wants to go in. (FYI - if he indeed was ready to go in, we were ready to keep up our end of the deal) I listened, I acknowledged, and then I redirected to a new form of sliding on the ice...indirectly saying - we aren’t going in yet, and also saying, you don’t really know what you want. Over an hour later, we were all ready to go in. All happy, all well played, and we now have a boy who has learned that he loves to play outside in the winter.
Surprise, surprise, surprise - he had a blast. And then, after about 45 minutes he remembered the deal. All of a sudden, “I want to go in now!” So the question arises, do kids always know what they want? Does being a good parent always mean immediately responding to every desire of your child? He said, and truly believed he wanted to go in.... what to do? Because I was pretty sure he didn’t know what would be the most fun.
Drawing from my 21st century arsenal of parenting - time to redirect. Let’s see if he really wants to go in. (FYI - if he indeed was ready to go in, we were ready to keep up our end of the deal) I listened, I acknowledged, and then I redirected to a new form of sliding on the ice...indirectly saying - we aren’t going in yet, and also saying, you don’t really know what you want. Over an hour later, we were all ready to go in. All happy, all well played, and we now have a boy who has learned that he loves to play outside in the winter.
Turns out kids didn’t always know what they want - and definitely not what they need. No disrespect to kids intended, but, once we hear where they are coming from, we have to step back and look at the big picture. What’s going on, and how can we help them realize their God given potential. It is awesome being a parent who has the honor and privilege of shaping, guiding, and at times pushing kids into something beyond what they can become on their own. |
| Yep - Life is Good! |
FOR THE RECORD - I’m no parenting guru, don’t think I have all the answers, and I believe that there are many more great way to parent than most people hung up on one ideology can acknowledge. Love God, love your kids and go for it!
And I guess this goes back to what I said about myself in December - if what I want isn't always the best, how could it be for kids?
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