Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Prattsville vs. Pompeii

Life left on the Kitchen Table

When I was in elementary school I vividly remember learning about the city of Pompeii, a city buried in volcanic ash, every detail frozen in time.  Working in the Prattsville four days after the destructive flooding of the town thoughts of Pompeii returned to my mind.  The homemade salsa finished the night before the flood was still on the counter; the jars covered in silt.  The child’s toy, under the coffee table, embedded in inches of heavy mud.  The flood was unexpected, there was no warning, no evacuation notice; time stopped and the destruction began. 

Main Street Prattsville
Arriving to this disaster zone, which was once a peaceful mountain town, a few days after the flood meant the initial triage was over, but now what?  Everyone on the mud covered main street was moving in slow motion past the destroyed houses and mangled businesses.  The immediate needs had been met, power lines cut, roadways cleared, water provided, shelter arranged – but now what?  It was like standing at the foot of a rugged mountain, how could you possibly climb to the top?  The destruction was so great, the mud so heavy, the debris so tangled. 

Stepping into the flood ravaged house, which a week before was a happy lively home for a young couple raising a darling toddler and expecting their second child in only three months, was an overwhelming experience.  I could feel a sliver of what Greg and Becky were dealing with, the question of “where to begin?”  When four feet of water flows through the first floor of your house it is merciless.  It mashes together the treasure with the trash, and when it is done it leaves behind a muck that binds it all together.  Everything but two laptops and a camera had been left just as it was, and thus destroyed.

Greg came downstairs Sunday morning, noting the rain, he started the day with a quick check of e-mail, Facebook and internet headlines.  After ten minutes online, he looked outside again and noticed water starting to flood main street.  He roused Becky, and in twenty minutes they were pulling out of their driveway through twelve inches of water; having grabbed only a few items from the house where they have lived for years.  As they left it was unfathomable to think of six feet of flood water rushing down the main street in a flow which literally rivaled that of Niagara Falls.

But how does one climb even the tallest mountain?  One step at a time.  And so we began on that sunny Friday morning; piece by piece to empty out the first floor of their house.  From cabinetry to Crocs, from water logged boxes of pasta to antique instruments, it all ended up outside on the remains of the driveway.  Once the belongings which had been reduced to refuge were removed, then we could shovel.  But you don’t cart a wheelbarrow through a home, so one shovel at a time the mud which effortlessly swept into the house was carried out so the house could begin to dry and undergo inspection.  Once items had been extracted from the muck and removed to a sunny place, Greg and Becky Town could recover the durable artifacts from their life; carefully placing them in plastic storage bins for a day in the future when life might return to normal.  They know there will be a day when once again they turn a house into a home.

It was only a start, but the climb up the mountain had begun.  It was a blessing to be part of the process of recovery which will continue for a very long time.  Ultimately every scrap of flooring, drywall, trim and cabinetry would need to be removed and replaced, but the house was no longer frozen in time.  Unlike Pompeii which was lost forever, Prattsville is on the path toward new life.
Pastors Greg and Becky Town
(with inspector - center)


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Starting where you are at....

In a little over a week Pastor Dave and I will be spending four Sundays on Prayer 101.  In preparation for this, I have started asking people about their prayer lives.  Some of the spiritually vibrant people I know are conversationalist - living life with a heavenly dialogue within their heads.  Others stand in the gap, taking focused time praying for specific people who have a need.  Others are more meditational, trying to get out of the way to be open to hear from God.  Some pray out loud before meals, some have a time at the end of the day before they "lay down to sleep," some gather with others, while many are very uncomfortable having their prayers heard.

What strikes me when I consider myself, and when I listen to others - where we are at is great, but there is so much more.  Within myself I have been applauding the prayer lives of those I talk to, any conversation with God is great.  But just because what we are doing is good doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for more, for better.  In prayer we have resources made available to us which are beyond comprehension, so the deeper we go, the more of the good stuff we can discover.

I'm looking forward to preaching "Prayer 101" to help people start where they are at, and then go further.  But just as much, I hope to go further. "Starting where you are at..." means you don't stay where you are!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

In the Aftermath...

Yesterday it was officially official, my three month sabbatical is over.  I spent the day in the office, created a todo list longer than the paper I was using, threw out junk mail, changed voice mail, submitted financial reports, caught up with staff, and I'm back on at DRC!  And it is good!

The past three months have been great.  And that great is on many different levels.  Great because of what I was able to do, and great because of the things I didn't do.  Great because of what I learned and thought, great because none of my learning or thinking was out of a pressing urgency of ministry.  It was a time without lasting pattern or routine, but pointed me back to the benefit of pattern and routine.  I thank God for the opportunity to have this sabbatical, and for the fact that I have a ministry I am excited to return to now that it is over.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

It's who I am...

It has been two weeks since I decided to break from blogging, but I don't want to lose my thought from this past weekend - so here I go...
(I guess I needed the break from thinking about what to blog and how my blogs would be received...)

I spent the weekend at the Pyramid Life Center near Paradox, NY.  A beautiful, simple, natural retreat center in the Adirondacks.  I was there for a men's retreat organized by John Daubney (www.johndaubney.com) who has been leading these retreats for men for 19 years.  They are a time and place for men to be real, express emotion, explore what's happening in their lives, have spiritual experiences, and experience something different/sacred.  It was a mix of men, I was the youngest, and the common denominator is that most of the men involved are in recovery.

If you are not familiar with the phrase "in recovery," it is not that these men are currently using, or have abused substances recently, but they have been brought out of addition through a 12 Step program.  Most of the men at the retreat (17 of us) have not had a drink or used drugs for over a decade - but they realize who they are and that they will always be "in recovery."   But then again - aren't we all.  
"Hello, my name is Dirk, and I'm a sinner." (but by the grace of God I'm in recovery)

I was not viewed as a pastor by the group (other than by the man who invited me).  I was just a guy, invited to a retreat, hanging out with other guys.  The leader and one other who had visited DRC once knew my role outside of the retreat, but they kept quiet.  So I was just Dirk from Delmar.  People didn't shift their language around me, didn't try for the "right" answer (this was not a place for that type of thinking anyway), and didn't probe into what it is like to be in a role which few find themselves.  I could just be me...

But somewhat to my surprise - I am a pastor!  In just being me, I found myself being a pastor.  I am on sabbatical - so I'm not fulfilling my normal pastoral "duties,"  I was with people who were not looking at me as a pastor, I was away from all that is familiar, I was in spiritual environment - but it never went beyond "my higher power," but through it all, my identity within myself was that of pastor.  As the weekend progressed it came out within individual conversations, but the response was never disbelief, nor was it "I knew it."  It was just natural - because that is who I am now.  

It is still not a clear cut notion within my mind, because Dirk as a pastor is different than the stereotypical "man of the cloth," but even detached from my congregation, it is still my internal identity.  I think this is the most significant gift of my sabbatical so far.  I have been feeling it through the struggles of seeking to separate my church life from my personal life for three months, but my weekend with John, Scott, David, Paul, Steve, Dave, John, Brian, Zenek, Chris, Anthony, Andy, Mike, Paul, Dale, and Tom helped show me what God is growing within me.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Life in a Fishbowl


I'm not Schwarzenegger, Lohan, or Jolie; with millions of people gawking at the details of my life. However, there is a very real fishbowl aspect to my life as a pastor. And from the time I arrived at DRC I've decided to embrace this reality. There was an exercise of intentional pendulum swing - from privacy to public - when we lived our first year or so without any sort of blinds on the downstairs windows of our house. I forced a mental conversation, "yes, people are watching... and that's okay."

Hopefully I'm never as interesting as those who grab the headlines. But hopefully God is working in my life in such a way that there are things which people can benefit from by watching. It isn't about being perfect. I think some pastors avoid the fishbowl because they think they have to be perfect in everyones' eyes, but know they can't. I know I won't be perfect in everyones' eyes - if for no other reason than there are so many different definitions of perfect... (oh, and then there is the fact that I'm far from perfect)  So I seek to live my life, and if people choose to watch, that's okay - it is part of the call to which God has called me.

I want others to see that abnormal has its benefits. Normal is totally missing out on the joy and blessing (and great sex) of marriage. Normal is striving after things which will not satisfy. Normal clinging to money, but never having enough - heck, normal is functionally broke. Normal is fractured relationships which fester as wounds which will not heal. Normal is giving lip service to being a Christian, but not having God as the top priority in your life and experiencing the freedom and peace that comes with it.  Normal is having kids, but barely having a family.  I don't claim to have it all figured out, or that I'm getting it all right - but I know who does, and I'm seeking to follow Him. And as a pastor I'm in a position where I'm watched - because what I preach better make a difference, and let it begin with me.

However...
Jesus lived with his disciples. He didn't swoop in, teach, and then go back to his other life. But at times he did pull away, to be out of the crowds, to be away from those he shared life with daily, to spend some time in a opaque fish bowl. I think that is part of sabbatical, to step away from all that is my normal ministry. And part of my ministry, part of my fishbowl, is blogging - so for now I'm going to pull down the blinds of my blog...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It has begun...

Monday is normally my day off - so it didn't really feel like the start of my sabbatical. I did the laundry, I did work around the house, time on the computer, etc... but today is different. I didn't go to the office today (though I do have some piles to wrap up some evening this week) I'm sure it will take time for it to sink in, but my focus for the next three months will not be on the day to day details of Delmar Reformed Church.

What is my church work? What is my personal ministry? What do I take a break from? I don't do much of what I do because I get paid, so I can't say - I'll stop doing the things I get paid for - You can't pay someone to serve God. And I try not to dichotomize my life - the people of DRC are my friends. The disciples didn't learn and teach with Jesus, and then go off to spend time with their "real friends." So, sabbatical can't be about distancing myself from DRC, because that would be about distancing myself from my friends... but it can be about distancing myself from the responsibility I have at DRC. That is my rest, from decisions, from the weight, from the responsibility. It feels strange to say that, because that too is part of who I am, but by letting it go I can grow, refresh, gain perspective, be open.

Well, these blogs my not be as readable as others, because they are going to be more my processing... I'm sure I'll try and entertain myself, so they might still be fun to read, but I'll just see where they go.

Today I have set up my first pastor lunch/interview & figured out how to blog from my ipad (and get things in my google accounts streamlined). It is also good to be here at home on Tuesday and see how hard Jen works on the band work - like most people, I tend only to see the final result.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

When rest is hard...(a blog for my own processing)

It is midnight and I'm not asleep.  But that isn't the point.  In 13 days my sabbatical begins (but who's counting).  A three month change of pace - but can I rest, and what does that mean?

Most people are familiar with an academic sabbatical - but that isn't what I'm dealing with.  A sabbatical break is not academic in nature, it is spiritual - Sabbath.  After six, take one off - that's the God given pattern in the Bible. Work six days, have a day set apart as different.  Work the land six years, take a year off.  A pattern of purposeful rest.  My church is great for giving me this time, as my seventh year comes to a close I have the gift of three months.  I want to use it well - but what does that mean?

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time I've thought about this.  I have shared my intentions with the church board, I have bounced ideas off of an advisory group, I have written about it in the church newsletter, I have sought the advice of others, I have prayed... but now the three month "rest" is within sight.  I want to "rest" well, and I'm confident it doesn't mean cycling between bed, couch and hammock for three months.  And 12 hour days of prayer and reflection is probably beyond my abilities...

Then there are details like: I have a wife and kids...  There are meals, events and laundry....  As I reflect tonight, I do think I am preparing to sabbatical well.  Interviewing those in ministry is hearing from God.  Spending time working in the woods is time set apart, resting from my life.   The road trip we have planned doesn't sound restful - but it will allow me to be more separate from the norm (while connected to my family).

Sabbath rest is not about crashing on the couch.  It is about true refreshment which comes as we are reminded of our place before God.  Sabbatical rest - maybe it can be a reminder that what I do for God isn't as important as who I am before God... It will be interesting to see what that means....