A Lesson in Fathering

Yesterday I witnessed a great lesson in being a father.  It wasn't in a class, through a book, or interacting with my kids - it was at a funeral.  I wish every dad in the throes of raising children could have been there, but as a weak substitution, I want to record a glimpse of Donald Jameson and the celebration of his life.

Don died suddenly at age 84, he seemed much younger.  Don and his wonderful wife Louise were active here at Delmar Reformed Church.  The morning of his death I met with Louise to talk about the new small group Bible study they were going to start as part of our Berea Groups.  He wasn't planning on going anywhere soon...

What about fathering lessons? Well, they came from his children.

Three of their four children shared at the funeral.  What they shared was a picture of great fathering.  There were stories of fond memories, there were laughs and tears, but without trying, each child painted a piece of a picture of why I could meet together with a family, that in the midst of an huge lose, demonstrated a real hope, a deep love, and a true faith.  They had a great dad.

Don worked hard, it was clear that in his long career with IBM he put in a lot of time with big blue.  He also put in hours with their church (Woodstock Reformed Church - yes, located at "that" Woodstock).  While his commitment to work was evident, and his grounding in the love of Jesus was the foundation of his life, it was his devotion to being a husband and father which defined his life.  And apparently he did it well.

Some things which came through as his children shared - my lessons:

• Play - Don had fun with his kids.  He took the time to get down on the floor and play.  
• Time - Don clearly took the time to be with his kids.  One of the fond memories was a time in life when due to a transfer and move, every day he drove the kids to a school in a different district.  He allowed this inconvenience to be a treasure, a treasure of time and talking with his kids (he even let the oldest run the stick shift in the 1961 VW bug).
• Discipline - Each of the kids who shared pushed the boundaries, tested the limits, and (even two of them are now ordained and in ministry) they were not saints.  Don discipled in love.  He didn't let them get away with anything, but because of his love and devotion to them, it was his disappointment they dreaded the most.   (Silence was not golden in this case)
• 6-Pack - "We were a 6-pack."  The family unit was a unit.  They did a lot together.  There were six in the car, six in the hotel room, six even in the tent when camping.  It sure seems that the focus was much more on six together than everyone having their own activities.  When the kids were young each kid did not head off into their own team, activity or screen - they were a 6-pack.  Beyond even just meals together, it was life together as a family, and Don's effort in this shows in deep family bonds today.
• Interest - Don took an active interest in each of their lives, and continued to do so.  This continued right into the grandkids.  The kids knew they were loved, and it was shown also in genuine interest.
• Push - When they took the boat to go skiing, Don had a test to see if they were ready.  The kids had to jump out in the deep water, without a life vest, and he would drive away.  They had to swim back to the boat.  If they made it they were ready - thankfully, they were all ready!
• His Focus was Fathering - After knowing Don and Louise for seven years, meeting with his family twice in funeral preparations, an hour long funeral filled with great sharing, talking during the reception, reading the obituary - I can't tell you about a single hobby, interest, or past-time beyond family and church.  Maybe he had them, but they were secondary.  Actually, it just came to me, his son talked of playing golf - but it sure seems like it was about the people he was with, not the game he was playing.

Don leaves a legacy.  A legacy built on loving God, serving the church of Jesus, and being a devoted father.  He did it God's way - and was truly blessed.