better than melting snow

Each day the snow is receding.  The frozen remains of a well defined winter are losing their mass, and the promise of new life is here.  There is only one problem when the snow is melting - it is ugly!

As the snow melts, all the debris of winter is exposed.  Our back yard is not yet bright and green, nor is it crisp and white.  Instead it is grey, and not just grey, but covered with twigs, dead pine needles, bits of mud and decomposing grass.  Each snow storm this winter dropped another beautiful covering of white, everything looked perfect, but it was really just a cover up.

I'm so glad this isn't the experience of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is tricky business, because it is impossible to undue what has been done, the nature of consequences is that they happen, and forget about making yourself forget... it doesn't happen.  Yet my deepest desire is that when I'm forgiven all is made new, a fresh start, things are "as white as snow."  Have you experienced "snow job" forgiveness in your life.  It all looks crisp and white, but then in time (maybe the heat of life) the covering melts away, and all the garbage is still there.  This isn't the forgiveness we desire, nor is it the forgiveness modeled by God.

Yes, the connection of snow and forgiveness is biblical.  God puts this offer out to his people through the prophet Isaiah.   "Come now, let's settle this," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)  But this speaks of a transformation, not a covering.  The forgiveness God can make happen is as radical as turning blood red to pure white - no easy feat.  In fact, it sounds about impossible.  The other primary reference to this imagery is in the deepest cry for forgiveness found in Psalm 51.  The poem of a repentant king who has committed adultery and murder.  He cries, "Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." (Psalm 51:7)  The cleansing God can perform goes beyond a cover up.  

The way of the world is a balance of good for evil; getting the karma balance leaning in your favor.  The best forgiveness most people can image is a covering, a blanket of snow covering the debris and damage.  But the message God gives in the Bible and makes real in Jesus is of the impossible.  God makes the stain of blood turn white, and removes the debris of life as far as the east is from the west.   It is thrown behind his back, it is remembered no more, it is gone - not buried waited to be exposed in the next season.  It is gone.

And the opportunity for health offered to those who are following Jesus Christ is to not only receive this forgiveness, but also to extend it to others.  For when we forgive as we have been forgiven we experience true freedom.  When you forgive others, your forgiveness can move closer to the forgiveness God offers when you make the following commitments:

• I will not dwell on the incident (don't do mental replays)
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
• I will not talk to others about this incident
• I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our relationship

This is modeled after the forgiveness God offers through belief and acceptance in Jesus's sacrifice. When we make these commitments we move closer to accomplishing the impossible here on earth.  It is not easy, it is not simple, and we have to grow in our ability to offer it - but as we get better at truly forgiving, we will experience more of the abundant life Jesus offers.

[If you want to read more on this I recommend The Peace Maker by Ken Sande - where the above list is taken from]

Hebrews 10:17-20 Then God says, "I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds."  And when sins have been forgiven, there is no need to offer any more sacrifices.  And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus.  By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place.   

It doesn't take a mountain...

This was an after thought which I had before I wrote about boys becoming men, which is reinforced by my last blog...

While out on the front lawn of the church watching my boys and a friend having a wonderful time sledding, it struck me - it doesn't take a mountain to have a great time.  I would have never considered the slight roll from the fellowship hall down toward the sidewalk a hill, and definitely not a sledding hill.  However, this winter the snow piles around the parking lot (mind you they did top 10 ft) have become icy summits for Tobiah and the decline out front a great sledding hill.

Prior to his requests to play within 250' of home, any thoughts of sledding involved (in my mind) loading everyone and everything into a vehicle, driving to a park with a significant sledding hill, and making an event of it.  As a result, it only happened a few times a year.  We did go there this year, and it was a fun afternoon, but no more fun than what my boys created for themselves standing, diving and rolling on the gentle knolls in the heart of Delmar.

This all relates to a blog I wrote in my head before I wrote blogs, and have yet to create - "pacing pleasure."  The gist of which is; if kids experience most everything before becoming a teenager, what's left?  I won't fully develop the thought here, but it was a reminder that being a "6-pack" (or in our case a 5-pack, see previous entry) is more important than doing it all, or making everything "special."  When kids find the joy in the simple (a little hill), the mundane (making a toy rocket from things in the junk drawer), the family (making an adventure video in the basement with two brothers), they will experience a richer, fuller life.  Richer and fuller than if I take them to the mountain, theater, or program any time they need something to do.  They don't need a mountain.

Here in the suburbs I feel guilty having the kids here in and around the house all day.  How strange it that?
What about a Sabbath - isn't rest from a full schedule good?  How about pacing pleasure?  Why do I think they need to have programs and activities to go to any time the schedule is open?  If they are out and about being "enriched," we can't be a 5-pack.  My kids are well above average on the enrichment scale, yet I feel a suburban pressure to fill every moment, but I resist.

I guess I'm good with some rural country living right in the heart of the burbs...

A Lesson in Fathering

Yesterday I witnessed a great lesson in being a father.  It wasn't in a class, through a book, or interacting with my kids - it was at a funeral.  I wish every dad in the throes of raising children could have been there, but as a weak substitution, I want to record a glimpse of Donald Jameson and the celebration of his life.

Don died suddenly at age 84, he seemed much younger.  Don and his wonderful wife Louise were active here at Delmar Reformed Church.  The morning of his death I met with Louise to talk about the new small group Bible study they were going to start as part of our Berea Groups.  He wasn't planning on going anywhere soon...

What about fathering lessons? Well, they came from his children.

Three of their four children shared at the funeral.  What they shared was a picture of great fathering.  There were stories of fond memories, there were laughs and tears, but without trying, each child painted a piece of a picture of why I could meet together with a family, that in the midst of an huge lose, demonstrated a real hope, a deep love, and a true faith.  They had a great dad.

Don worked hard, it was clear that in his long career with IBM he put in a lot of time with big blue.  He also put in hours with their church (Woodstock Reformed Church - yes, located at "that" Woodstock).  While his commitment to work was evident, and his grounding in the love of Jesus was the foundation of his life, it was his devotion to being a husband and father which defined his life.  And apparently he did it well.

Some things which came through as his children shared - my lessons:

• Play - Don had fun with his kids.  He took the time to get down on the floor and play.  
• Time - Don clearly took the time to be with his kids.  One of the fond memories was a time in life when due to a transfer and move, every day he drove the kids to a school in a different district.  He allowed this inconvenience to be a treasure, a treasure of time and talking with his kids (he even let the oldest run the stick shift in the 1961 VW bug).
• Discipline - Each of the kids who shared pushed the boundaries, tested the limits, and (even two of them are now ordained and in ministry) they were not saints.  Don discipled in love.  He didn't let them get away with anything, but because of his love and devotion to them, it was his disappointment they dreaded the most.   (Silence was not golden in this case)
• 6-Pack - "We were a 6-pack."  The family unit was a unit.  They did a lot together.  There were six in the car, six in the hotel room, six even in the tent when camping.  It sure seems that the focus was much more on six together than everyone having their own activities.  When the kids were young each kid did not head off into their own team, activity or screen - they were a 6-pack.  Beyond even just meals together, it was life together as a family, and Don's effort in this shows in deep family bonds today.
• Interest - Don took an active interest in each of their lives, and continued to do so.  This continued right into the grandkids.  The kids knew they were loved, and it was shown also in genuine interest.
• Push - When they took the boat to go skiing, Don had a test to see if they were ready.  The kids had to jump out in the deep water, without a life vest, and he would drive away.  They had to swim back to the boat.  If they made it they were ready - thankfully, they were all ready!
• His Focus was Fathering - After knowing Don and Louise for seven years, meeting with his family twice in funeral preparations, an hour long funeral filled with great sharing, talking during the reception, reading the obituary - I can't tell you about a single hobby, interest, or past-time beyond family and church.  Maybe he had them, but they were secondary.  Actually, it just came to me, his son talked of playing golf - but it sure seems like it was about the people he was with, not the game he was playing.

Don leaves a legacy.  A legacy built on loving God, serving the church of Jesus, and being a devoted father.  He did it God's way - and was truly blessed.

boys along the path - becoming men

They knew the right thing to do - and did it!  

As I get going this snowy morning I'm going to slip into some fatherly pride.  Yesterday afternoon Tobiah and Jashton asked if they could go sledding, not some grand trip to a park or big hill, but on the icy snow slope which is now the front lawn of the church.  No parents, just the boys, out on an adventure.  Permission was granted, snow clothes was donned, and they were off to enjoy some fresh winter air on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon.

I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I looked through the glass door in the rear of our house.  If you don't know, we live behind the church, and out that window I can look over our abbreviated backyard, the parking lot, and see the church (and all the way to the main street of town).  As I glanced out I saw Jashton walking along side the church, blue saucer sled in hand, heading for home.  But where was his brother?....

A few seconds later Tobiah pops out from behind an outcropping of the church structure, kicking an empty bottle onto the church driveway.  The church grounds, being in the heart of our town, are also a teen hang out.  Last weeks warmer temperatures melted away enough snow to reveal their droppings.  That is; ice tea cans (they seem to like Arnold Palmer's?), power drinks (Monster outsells Red Bull) and Gatorade bottles (though they are less common this time of year).  Any-how... Tobiah found one of these relics of teens past (or passing teens) and was kicking it around.  I watched, what would he do?

Oh YEAH!  He picked it up, ran back 20 feet to jam it into the provided trash can!

Life is good!

There was no benefit to him.  There was no one watching (as far as he knew).  He knew the right thing to do, and did it.  Later that day I let him know that I had seen what he did.  He was a bit baffled how I knew what he had done, but then shared that Jashton had picked up some as well.  Ding, ding, ding....more points.  Okay, picking up trash is clear, measurable, tangible behavior.  But sharing good about another person, not keeping credit for himself, doing what is right even when no one is watching - that is a boy becoming a godly man.  And that is what I am seeking for in each of my boys.

A bit of trash and a glass door provided a window into who my boys are becoming.



NOTE:  Also in the day there were brothers picking on each other, siblings fighting, tears, and undoubtedly some yelling - No, our household is not a parenting utopia of perfection - but a work in progress as we all seek to live into our God given potential.



NOTE 2:  "ding, ding, ding...more points" is an expression.  It is not meant to imply that we have a tally sheet of points and deductions for our boys.  They are, and know they are, loved unconditionally regardless of behavior - they are our sons!

I locked the church on Sunday morning

I experienced a strange sensation this morning.  At 9:28 a.m. I put the key in the door, made the 1/4 turn clockwise, and heard the click of the door of our church locking.  I had not thought about it before the event, but  the door needed to be locked, the church was going to be empty - but locking a church on Sunday morning just felt wrong.

It's not that we were not worshiping as a church, but we were joining other congregations who we partner with on food, education and advocacy programs for the poor in Albany for worship this morning.  We had a bus load waiting to depart for the trip into the city (all of 6 miles), and many others would drive separately, so all was good, just strange.

As I rode along in the bus I reflected on the irony that this Sunday morning was the only morning our church was locked and closed this week (or actually any day so far this year other than Jan 17th) - I mean even in the blizzards either Dave or I was there working.  So we close our doors on Sunday and have them open all the other days.  Hmmm....

 - A good reminder that church isn't about the time or the place, it is about the people.  God loves for people to gather, to focus on his worth, to pray, to sing, to learn, to listen - these things please God greatly - but not when it is out of rote habit or obligatory ritual.  (We must worship God, not patterns or places)
 - A good reminder that church isn't just Sunday morning.  Everyone who is a Christian is part of the universal Church, and as such we are being the church all week long - wherever we are, whatever we are doing.  Not only is this building open all week, but Delmar Reformed Church is open and active all week in the lives of each person who calls DRC their spiritual home and family.
 - A good reminder of how great worship at church can be.  I didn't want to lock it up and go somewhere else.  We would be gaining by worshiping with others and celebrating the work of the FOCUS ministries, but also missing out on the very special something which happens on Sunday mornings at our church.

As the bus returned us to 386 Delaware Ave, the doors were unlocked again.  They were unlocked to let the teenagers unpack the three minivan they were returning in after an overnight "mid-night run" to help the homeless in New York City.  A night handing out food, clothes, and supplies to the homeless, before sleeping briefly, worshiping, and then coming back to a building which is but a facility to strengthen and support the work of Jesus in this world.

It's okay if it is locked on Sunday mornings from time to time... because Jesus calls us to so much more than one hour a week sitting in a sanctuary.

the empty bucket list...

The classic mental games we play.

If you won a million dollars what would you do? But then again, most of us don't win a million dollars, or know people who have. On the other hand, a closer reality many of us brush up against is, "if you knew you were going to die in a year what would you do?" Watching Nicholson and Freeman living out their "bucket lists" is introspective entertainment, but truly reflecting on how we live our lives in the face of our mortality can be a bit scary. But that's not what I'm writing about... No really, this week in my small group from church we developed a very different question than focusing on death. What about your stuff???

Okay, what would you do if you knew you were going to lose everything you have in three months? In three months your bank accounts would be emptied, your house would be taken, your possessions confiscated, your career derailed, your professional reputation tarnished. There was nothing you could do to prevent it. If you doubled your money, buried gold in a cave, put it in a trust fund, or asked a friend to hold onto it, no matter what you did, the outcome would be the same. In three months you would have nothing to your name... what would you do?

This question came out of discussion Jesus' troubling parable in Luke 16. Troubling because it seems to give a big thumbs up to the dishonest, shrewd, rascal who cheats his employer. There are definitely some cultural things going on which don't blend well with the American mind...but the manager who was going to lose it all was forced to think, what do I do with what I have before I lose it. The "empty bucket list."

What would you do with that you have before it is all gone?

Here are some options I see:

• You could give it all to charity and noble causes knowing you won't have it anyway
• You could just keep on like nothing is different because it is how you want to live (or you're in denial)
• You could drop into a hole, overwhelmed by the impending loss
• You could bless the people you know with what you have while you have it

I'm sure there are options I'm not seeing, but these seem to cover the main options. If you spend it on yourself or just wallow by yourself, in the end all you will have is yourself. You and your memories of how great things once were. It sounds like a lonely and desperate place to be in a time of need. You spend it on yourself; great trips, memories, fun toys knowing it may be your last opportunity... it's an option....

If you give to the faceless masses, you are not much better off. Although the eternal reward factor is part of the equation and a source of hope in adversity... seems like a better option...

However, if you take what you have and generously pour it into other people's lives. If you build relationships and memories with those you are close to. If you share with friends, not to make friends, but just to love them. Not to bribe them into loving you, but out of your genuine love for them...then in the end you really have something - even if everything is lost.

So, just like our mortality and the mortality of those around us can cause us to think about how we are using our lives. The temporal nature of all that we have can cause us to think about how we use what God entrusts to us. 

• Are we being good managers (stewards)?
• Are we building relationships or impenetrable fortresses?
• Are we investing in true friendships or flimsy facades?
• Are we creating intimacy or careers?

Having stuff. Having wealth. These are fine tools when we use them to create what really lasts.

Kid's don't always know what they want...

Not so fun....

Not too long ago we were going to go out as a family and play in the snow.  It was a beautiful winter day, not too cold, fresh snow, what could go wrong?  Well the challenge was getting out the door - Corban (age 3.5) did not want to go.  The day before it wasn’t ideal, we weren’t prepared, and he had learned the unpleasant fact that if it isn’t done right - winter is cold and uncomfortable.  He didn’t want that again, and he sure he didn’t want to go out.

Now I’m no tiger dad (haven’t actually heard that term yet, but I’m sure it is coming), my kids waste time, get what they want, and we work hard to listen to them and respect them - but acquiescing to the emphatic determination of a three year old wasn’t going to fly in this situation.  We aren’t the type of family to give up after one bad experience - especially when there is ample evidence that playing in the snow is fun.  So, trying to balance my 21st century parenting influences with my old school sensibilities we negotiated.  He would go out, but if it was miserable (after giving it an honest go) a parent would take him in.

Surprise, surprise, surprise - he had a blast.  And then, after about 45 minutes he remembered the deal.  All of a sudden, “I want to go in now!”   So the question arises, do kids always know what they want?  Does being a good parent always mean immediately responding to every desire of your child?  He said, and truly believed he wanted to go in.... what to do?  Because I was pretty sure he didn’t know what would be the most fun.

Drawing from my 21st century arsenal of parenting - time to redirect.  Let’s see if he really wants to go in.  (FYI - if he indeed was ready to go in, we were ready to keep up our end of the deal) I listened, I acknowledged, and then I redirected to a new form of sliding on the ice...indirectly saying - we aren’t going in yet, and also saying, you don’t really know what you want.  Over an hour later, we were all ready to go in.  All happy, all well played, and we now have a boy who has learned that he loves to play outside in the winter.  

Turns out kids didn’t always know what they want - and definitely not what they need.  No disrespect to kids intended, but, once we hear where they are coming from, we have to step back and look at the big picture.  What’s going on, and how can we help them realize their God given potential.  It is awesome being a parent who has the honor and privilege of shaping, guiding, and at times pushing kids into something beyond what they can become on their own.

Yep - Life is Good!

FOR THE RECORD - I’m no parenting guru, don’t think I have all the answers, and I believe that there are many more great way to parent than most people hung up on one ideology can acknowledge.  Love God, love your kids and go for it!

And I guess this goes back to what I said about myself in December - if what I want isn't always the best, how could it be for kids?